Don't Make Me...!
Monday, August 28, 2006
 
Bricks float.

Although I've never seen a brick float myself, I can tell you it's true.

There are something that I trust in life and some things that I "kind of trust". Family, close friends,and my own eyes I trust. Media and government, I trust, but a bit less. My friends and family know that bricks float. Occasionally, I get get an email from one of them confirming this. It's amazing what the media won't tell you. It's as if they're afraid to tell you the truth about floating bricks. I guess it's just not "PC" to talk about things like this these days. Too bad.

One of those emails I got from one of my friends shared a great story about Benjamin Franklin leaving his entire fortune to go towards the study of creating the world's first brick submarine- years ahead of anyone else! Our Founding Fathers weren't afraid to talk about bricks, they built Liberty Hall out of them! As a matter of fact, my cousin sent me this email yesterday regarding two Nobel-Prize winning architects who were shut out of a conference at World University in New York last year because they tried to tell that liberal body the truth about Liberty Hall. It turns out that the thing people have been taught to believe is a "cuppola"on top of this sacred American site is really a pilot house! Yup, Liberty Hall was really built as a ship! Our Founders wisely located this structure close to water too. There's the proof right there, in front of our own eyes! After reading that other email about Ben Franklin, I had no doubts.With the truth that apparent and EVERYBODY saying it, you've got to wonder why the media hasn't done what it's supposed to do and taken the right side. I suppose they may be scared of being sued by the ACLU or the UN. This email I was sent a few months ago reported on a group of scientists in California who were suing to have bricks removed from a pier in San Francisco. It seems that they had a problem with a government funded building with bricks so close to water. They said it gave the appearance of government taking sides in this debate. It seems to me that they just had more of a problem with their "science" (and therefore their cushy government jobs!) falling to pieces in the event that one of these bricks broke loose and floated past the Golden Gate Bridge! I'd put a picture of that right up next to the one some guy sent me of a brick floating past the Statue of Liberty on the day of 9/11... It was majestic. I was sad to read later in that email that the scientists won the case, the bricks were removed, and the pier later collapsed. It was this very pier that was being used to ship billions of dollars of baby food to starving infant cancer patients in Indonesia. Those bastards.

I suppose that our spineless politicians are afraid just like the media but every once in a while, a true patriot among their ranks stands up for our values. Like that guy in Congress who wanted to rename that destroyer the "USS Brick". Good for him!!!! That'll make 'em squirm! Occasionally, guys like that in the media stick their necks out too. We know they really can't say what they know to be true on the air or in print or there liberal bosses will fire them. The guy in the cubicle next to me sent this great email from Andy Rooney where he really gets it right on the subject. I knew I always liked him! Aside from that, that guy on late night TV I love lets loose with a good zinger everynow and then. There was this great joke he told about these three bricklayers in a flood. They were on an island with a big pile of bricks. The one guy trys to build a dam, thinking he could outsmart the water. The other constructed a tower, thinking he'd perch above and hide from the water. The last guy- who just happened to be an American- took his bricks, built a boat and took the water head on, sailing himself to safety! The other two were eventually overcome by the water and slowly starved and drowned at the same time. How about that for the good ole' horse sense of the American people! That one really made me laugh. It made all of my friends laugh when I told them too. People can be so stupid! I like sending my friends funny email but I also like sending the stuff that makes my blood boil too. I send that stuff a lot. There's an anti-brick agenda in this country and I'm damn tired of it! Our country was founded on bricks, and now, in our hour of greatest need, we doubt them. That's why I feel it's my patriotic duty to forward those emails to everyone I know. As a matter of fact, I even bought a a magnet for the back of my car that I found at Wal Mart today. It's in the shape of a brick. I think it lets everyone know just what side of the brick debate I fall on. But as I was at a stoplight today, some guy yelled out to me, "hey jackass, the country where that magnet was made doesn't even have bricks!". Unbelievable. What part of Freedom does this guy not get! As he drove off, I noticed the telltale circular "peace" sign on the back of his Volvo. Have you ever wondered why the peace sign is round? Round, the exact opposite of square? Square, like a brick? I got an email on that one too. Some people just don't get it. It's because of people like that that I keep forwarding those email packets of truth.

Facts are facts, but sometimes I just love receiving and forwarding those rare email gems that speak volumes, without having to say much at all. There was one I got last week that brought a tear to my eye. There was this UN ship that sailed from New York that was set to deliver a load of artificial limbs to homeless children in war-torn Madagascar. Since the kindness of American citizens paid for the whole thing, on board was a Marine combat veteran who had agreed to aid in the delivery. Well, two days into the journey, the ship hit a rock in the middle of the Atlantic and sank. The captain- a Frenchman- was drunk at the wheel and too busy looking at homosexual porn provided by the UN to notice the rock. When he realized that the ship was sinking, him and his French crew cut and ran, taking all of the lifebricks on board without regard to the American, or the crippled Israeli priest on board he had befriended. The American, in the best traditions of a "can-do" Marine, fashioned a flotation devise out of the uniforms and helmets discarded by the French as they ran away. After two days afloat and struggling to hold on to the helpless priest, the Marine prayed for a miracle, reciting a simple prayer taught to him by his grandmother- another Marine combat veteran- when he was a little boy. Just then, an Eagle appeared overhead and seemed to be circling something. Looking off in the distance, he saw a group of objects floating in the water. As he swam closer, clutching the chaplin in his one good arm, he saw that these objects were lifebricks. It seemed that without the leadership of the Marine combat veteran, the selfish French sailors were incapable of properly affixing there lifebricks and drowned. Three days later, the two-barely alive- washed up along the shores of Israel where that tough Marine was greeted as a hero by America's only real friend in the world.

That story gets me every time. I can't imagine any true patriot not getting choked up when they read that one. I've had that one sent to me at least 80 times.

I'll admit, I never really thought much about the brick crisis until I started to recieve all of this email, bow could anyone not be moved by this stuff? Thank GOD we have the Internet to tell us the truth! Our Puritan forefathers who fought for our freedom against the Europeans and gave us our Constitution knew from experience that the truth floats. I say that It's time that we take a stand on this principle once and for all. To show the terrorists that they haven't won, let's make next Friday a day to stand on our principals. If you believe as I do that bricks float, just as god intended them to, grab a brick, tie it in a tight patriot's knot around your neck, and jump in the biggest body of water you can find. Show the enemies of America that you won't let the facts stand in the way of the truth!

If you agree with this email, you will be blessed if you it to everyone that you know.


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